Uncle John

'Uncle John' was not always Uncle John.

He was first of all my baby brother...simply, John David.

There were hints of how this future 'Uncle John' would turn out. He and Lisa, my mom's best friend's daughter who my mom kept while her mom worked, created havoc for my mom at times.

When Ron and I were dating in high school, John David would try to find my diary and read it... and would try to peek through the slats of the louver doors to see what we were doing. Ah... wouldn't that be called 'nosey'? Let's just say, John David likes to know ALL the details of everything. Ask Addison and Sami... they'll probably have stories of their Dad, my brother, my kids' Uncle John, peering over their shoulders as they read or attempted to write emails. A more politically correct way to describe that might be 'a detail man'... not 'nosey.'

As my kids were born, and John David became 'Uncle John', he relished his new role in life. He kept track of how many times they burped... and how loudly it was. I think he would hold up cards to rate them on a scale of 1 - 10. A 10 burp was magnificent. (Actually, this part of the story I just made up... or maybe I didn't. I wouldn't doubt if he did this.) But he did teach them to burp - loudly. Oh how they would all laugh. I tried not to.

The infamous WET WILLIE was also taught to my boys by their sophisticated Uncle John. This brought more laughs. Some became a bit irritated by all the wet willies being done to them. That, of course, just made it all the more fun to do.

Then came the "pull my finger" trick. The "pull my finger" trick was accompanied by another skill Uncle John taught - flatulence. Well, he didn't call it that, but he was - actually he still is - a master at demonstrating this. At the ripe old age of 48, Uncle John is still a master of this. He taught his nephews well!

Uncle John, doesn't he look like a respectable uncle? Josh and Gabe loved to hang out with him ... actually they still do.

Remember those booths where you could sit in there and have 4 pictures taken... like for a quarter or something?




Uh-oh, looks like Uncle John is telling the boys something their mother may not like. The boys look a little excited. Maybe they're practicing the art of flatulence in that little booth?


"Hey, Josh and Gabe. Let's make a face at the camera! 1 - 2- 3 - GO!" So they all stick their tongue out. My, oh my, isn't this fun.

Now Becky, God help her, is married to UJ - which is what Uncle John is occasionally called. Becky just calls him John. I could never call him that, it sounds too ... well, sophisticated. I call him John David. Mom calls him Dave. Take your pick, he'll answer to about anything.

So Becky, who I don't believe has mastered the burp, wet willie, or the art of flatulence, has to put up with all these shenanigans from her husband. And so this leads to another story.Apparently, Uncle John and his sweet, mannered wife, along with our octogenarian mother and their senior in high school daughter, were having a nice dinner at Rockfish. The married couple was sitting on one bench with Mom and Sami across the table on the other...when Becky felt her cell phone vibrating. She calmly put down her napkin - after blotting her lips, I'm sure - opened her purse, reached for her cell phone which by now had stopped vibrating. I believe she commented to John David that no one had left a message. She continued to eat. Uncle John continued to eat... Saddie and Sami continued to eat. Finally, Uncle John couldn't stand it any longer. He leaned over and whispered in his sweet wife's ear that actually, that had NOT been her cell phone vibrating, but it had been one of those silent, vibrating earthquakes of flatulence that he has been mastering all these years as an uncle.

I do believe from that point on, it was a bit difficult to eat with all the laughter going on... and from what I understand, it took a while for Saddie and Sami to understand what had happened. Neither John David or Becky could get the words out...

I'm sure his nephews will be proud!